random ramblings

raarrghh. woke up this morning expecting to go for my weekly swim.. but i ate too much for breakfast. ain't got the stomach for swimming now.

tried to book a chalet for the coming weeks.. it's amazing how hard it can be to book a damned place. either the price ain't right, or it's full, or they simply just want you to take two nights when you only need one. maybe we should just settle for something else eh guys? haha like maybe a small dinner or something. or it could be a day-long event.. hmm. gotta think.. whatever it is, gotta get her along.

well anyway, hehe just received the pic from her.. the one that we took in the huge tent that very special night at Quidam.. hmm.. just looking at the photo makes me happy. if you only knew how much you mean to me.

good ol' usual saturday

just got home a few hours ago. had met up with the guys for a dinner and the usual chill out. merv accidentally misplaced his IC sometime during the week at a LAN shop in bukit timah, and i had to meet up with him early in the day to show him the way to the place. fortunately the shop was good enough to keep all their lost and found items in a nifty little drawer, and that's where they found his card. we had to brave the god damned sweltering heat of the afternoon sun after that as we made our way to bugis, only to find that there was nothing there of interest. so we braved the sun again, and off we were to our usual hangout that was funan, and spent the rest of our time there having a game while waiting for theHaz to arrive for dinner. i seriously need to get a life.

called pj up to talk about the barbecue and stuff.. apparently haz has become so frustrated at organising these things that he's refusing to do another one. can't say i blame him. with all those unpredictable things changing their minds at the last minute.. well if i'm going to be the one to organise it, i haven't got a lot of time. gonna be flying to australia for a 3-week exercise soon.. so much to do.. so little time.. so much to say to her, so much to tell her..

hopefully the upcoming route march on friday isn't gonna destroy my legs that badly.. trying to get her out for a movie the sunday after that. but it's gonna be hard. i'll probably be limping my ass off on sunday. but gotta get things done quick.. time isn't exactly on my side. been messaging her every now and then.. substantially more often than before.. and it feels... good. but i've been here before.. and i failed terribly the last time i was here.. argh. the memories.

but i'm back on my feet again. and this time i'm not letting slip any chances. or at least i keep telling myself that. sigh. we'll just see what happens this time around.

dwelling in the past

woke up this morning to a very weird feeling. suddenly all these thoughts of my entire life leading up to this day flashed into my head, flooding me with memories, some good, some bad. it made me think about what had made me become what i am today. my friends, my foes, my family, the family.

i remember my days in temasek polytechnic's design school. those 3 years were undoubtedly the best years of my life. making lifelong friends, not to mention lifelong enemies.. our 2 month stay in india.. our sleepless nights in the animation labs.. meeting her almost every weekend.. it was just purely enjoyable. i was much happier back then compared to now. army has screwed my life. but i wouldn't say that even without going through army i'd be happier than i was before.. those times were simply the best. i miss my friends. gotta arrange for a get-together some day. gotta do it before i go for my 3 week stint in australia.

aaarrrgghhh.

aftermath

it's only about midnight, and i've just gotten home from camp. tired as hell though.. had a god damned 24km route march yesterday night.. haven't been doing stuff like that for a long time, and i must say that it's really beaten the hell out of my legs. couldn't even move after the march last night, not to mention this morning. had to literally roll out of bed and to the bathroom to brush my teeth. but that's not the problem here. the problem is something that i noticed while i was pointlessly walking up and down east coast park with my field pack, rifle, and helmet on my head.

as we were walking, we no doubt passed by a whole lot of civilians all having a nice cooling night out at the beach. some were camping, some were there for a barbecue, some were just there for a stroll. but something that really caught my attention, and really pissed me off was the fact that some people out there don't realise what the hell we are going through just to protect their sorry asses. ok, so we're marching up and down the road there, and we pass by a bunch of guys who've probably gone through their national service and are enjoying the life. some of them look at us and remember their good old times in the army, some of them cheer us on, some of them tease us. that's cool, that's fun.. cos they've all experienced it before. then we pass by a younger group. they've obviously not served their term yet, but upon seeing us, they start laughing, they start pissing me off. i could have shot a whole bunch of them if i had a few rounds on me. but that's not all.. we then come across a bunch of girls. yes, girls. girls who don't have to serve at all. and then they start laughing again. i didn't really mind the guys.. they would get their turn eventually. but this was wrong. these people, who had no knowledge of the shitty life we go through, and probably will never experience it anyway, were laughing their asses off at us. it was enough to make me sick. i stuck my finger out at them. that quietened a small few of them, but it didn't work for the rest. the bitches. one day when we finally go to war, i've got a bunch of singaporeans to shoot first.

arrggghhh.

the morning sun blazed through the window and into my eyes, burning them like fire, blinding me. i could not see a thing, yet i was conscious of my surroundings. little stars danced around me like fairies, talking to me, trying to tell me something. i couldn't guess what. i couldn't think. i tried to reach out to them, but my limbs seemed non-existent. for some strange reason the whole world had gone to hell. i was trapped in a place with no way out. the fairies had gone, and all that was left of them was their peaceful and surreal voices, the echoes jumping around my skull like little rubber balls. i had been here before, but i couldn't remember why. i was lost in a familiar place, with fire in place of roads and cheese in place of sky.for some strange reason the whole world had gone to hell. and then i saw her, a heavenly blast of light and comfort. i stepped into the flames, walking towards her. there was no fear. there was no pain. and then i woke up.

it's been some time..

yes it's been some time.. haven't exactly had the time to update this spot.. but then again that's just an excuse.. heh i've just been lazy.

well anyway, lots of things have happened since the last april fools' day update.. for example, i completed the god damned reconnaisance trooper course that i mentioned and earned myself the "coveted" jungle hat that everyone else seems to have.. following that i was sent for a 2-week life saver course to qualify myself as an SAF lifeguard! heh finally something that might actually have some use in life.. other than that, it's all just been boredom in camp, and nothing else.

on brighter notes, i just went to watch Cirque du Soleil's Quidam the day before yesterday.. extremely stunning performance i must say.. it just kept getting better and better the entire evening.. if you've got the cash to spare, i'd recommend you go watch it. it's that good.

not much else to say for now, gotta run off to prepare for book-in.. urrgghh..