aftermath

it's only about midnight, and i've just gotten home from camp. tired as hell though.. had a god damned 24km route march yesterday night.. haven't been doing stuff like that for a long time, and i must say that it's really beaten the hell out of my legs. couldn't even move after the march last night, not to mention this morning. had to literally roll out of bed and to the bathroom to brush my teeth. but that's not the problem here. the problem is something that i noticed while i was pointlessly walking up and down east coast park with my field pack, rifle, and helmet on my head.

as we were walking, we no doubt passed by a whole lot of civilians all having a nice cooling night out at the beach. some were camping, some were there for a barbecue, some were just there for a stroll. but something that really caught my attention, and really pissed me off was the fact that some people out there don't realise what the hell we are going through just to protect their sorry asses. ok, so we're marching up and down the road there, and we pass by a bunch of guys who've probably gone through their national service and are enjoying the life. some of them look at us and remember their good old times in the army, some of them cheer us on, some of them tease us. that's cool, that's fun.. cos they've all experienced it before. then we pass by a younger group. they've obviously not served their term yet, but upon seeing us, they start laughing, they start pissing me off. i could have shot a whole bunch of them if i had a few rounds on me. but that's not all.. we then come across a bunch of girls. yes, girls. girls who don't have to serve at all. and then they start laughing again. i didn't really mind the guys.. they would get their turn eventually. but this was wrong. these people, who had no knowledge of the shitty life we go through, and probably will never experience it anyway, were laughing their asses off at us. it was enough to make me sick. i stuck my finger out at them. that quietened a small few of them, but it didn't work for the rest. the bitches. one day when we finally go to war, i've got a bunch of singaporeans to shoot first.

arrggghhh.

the morning sun blazed through the window and into my eyes, burning them like fire, blinding me. i could not see a thing, yet i was conscious of my surroundings. little stars danced around me like fairies, talking to me, trying to tell me something. i couldn't guess what. i couldn't think. i tried to reach out to them, but my limbs seemed non-existent. for some strange reason the whole world had gone to hell. i was trapped in a place with no way out. the fairies had gone, and all that was left of them was their peaceful and surreal voices, the echoes jumping around my skull like little rubber balls. i had been here before, but i couldn't remember why. i was lost in a familiar place, with fire in place of roads and cheese in place of sky.for some strange reason the whole world had gone to hell. and then i saw her, a heavenly blast of light and comfort. i stepped into the flames, walking towards her. there was no fear. there was no pain. and then i woke up.